The sad, sad day; week, month……

So, it has beena few weeks again. I did the stupidest thing….when I came down with shingles and renal colic, and then failed my driving test; I stupidly said those idiotic 5 words, that one should never utter amidst a time like this (‘nothing else can go wrong’). Then of course, as im sure you know; and have experienced this yourself; it did. In spectacular, heartbreaking fashion.

You all know my Winkeypoo by now. The light of my life. My friend, the cause of my smile, my midnight cuddles when I cant sleep, my therapy. Well. On the 27th of November, he wasnt eating again. He has had alot of illness, and eating is always our guague of how he is. So not eating, is a big deal. So we took him to his favourite vet, Lily. She is amazing with him, and has saved his life so many times. She treats him as her own, and loves him almost as much as we do. She took him in for blood tests. We sat and waited as always. Not our 1st rodeo here. Then the door opened, and those fateful words. ‘Winkeys mummies’. Normally this was in an upbeat tone, but from the lower tone, i knew. Then she said ‘he is still asleep’. Then we really knew. He was laying on his side, with a lovely nurse holding an oxygen mask to his face. Then the bomb. His bloods were catastrophic. He had no white cells, his blood was basically like water. He had leukaemia. We all have no clue how he was still alive from how he was. That morning he was purring, and we had cuddles. He kept looking at me in such a way that i knew, in my heart i knew, but i did everything i could to ignore it. It couldnt be happening. Not to my baby. I was not ready. 13 years is nothing. We need more time. But he had no more to give.

We all, Shannon, Vet Lily, and I held a paw and kissed him goodbuy. We got time to tell him how much we love him, and thank him for being so wonderful. Then he was sent to sleep. We held him all 3 if us and cried, and talked about how wonderful he was. I have never in all of my life felt heartbreak like this. It diddnt seem real. Still doesnt. We took his carrier home, but with no Winkey in it. I couldnt even take it out of the car.

Well the next few days, we were barely at home. Couldnt face being there. We made sure our other baby Boe, had lots of cuddles and kisses, but thaught he would be ok, out of all of us. They never got on. Used to savage each other at least once a week. But in that last week, they cuddled. I knew then that something was wrong. Our Boe then went through such intense grief. He diddnt eat for days. We took him to our Lily and he had tests, but all came back fine. He was missing our boy as much as us.

During that few days, we went to Zizzis for lunch, and were sat sobbing into our food, when in walked Frank Skinner, who sat on the table next to me. Ordinarily we would have been a bit star struck, but we just tried to hide our faces. I think even the waitress was scared to come over!

It was about this time where we made a somewhat rash decision. Grief is never a good time for rationality. I saw a little face on my phone, and I couldnt stop looking at it. I showed my wife and she was transfixed also. A couple of days later we drove the 4 hour journey to London to meet, who is now our little Lily. Named in honour of our lovely vet and friend, who was so amazing with our boy, and there til the very end. She went above and beyond any vet. I really cant thank her enough.

This is our little Lily. Our healing therapy for us and Boe. He is a little unsure, but is so good with her. He has become really cuddley, which is amazing. We were told she was 8 weeks old when we collected her. She was very small. We took Lily to meet Lily, and found out she was only 6 weeks old. Im so glad now that we drove to meet her, and bring her home with us. I knew we would love and cherish her in the was she deserves, in a way all animals deserve. Lily said that as first she diddnt understand how we could get another so soon. Believe me, we were as suprised as anyone. We always said we wouldnt, but it was like fate. We diddnt see it until she pointed it out, but little Lily looks just like Winkeypoo. She has some of his personality too. She is definately her own little girl, but I like to think that some of him is in there.

We miss him terrably, and he will never be replaced. He was my baby boy and I loved him more than I thaught possable to love anyone or anything. He was and will always be our heart and soul.

And now…..we adore and love our Boe, and now our little Lily. She has baught us home again, and baught us all together.

I know this post is just about my boy, but he is a huge part of my life, and has definately been part of my healing and recovery. ❤