We had a quiet Christmas. Still mourning the loss of our little boy. My little therapy. My winkeypoo. All the while, welcoming our new little lily. She is just a joy. So adorable. On the nights that I have to have sleeping tablets in order to get some hours of sleep, she follows me into the bedroom and snuggles up either beside or on me, just as winkey did. I think there is some of him in there. She has alot of the same manorisms which he had. We were doing quite well, or so I thaught; until that box arrived, signifying his return home forever. Just a little wooden box with his name on top. Since then, not a day has passed where I have not broken down in tears. Its strange that after all we have been through this year, a cruel twist of fate would tear our hearts open beyond belief and top off the year in the most awful and cruel way.
So as we trott forward to start a new year, I am ever hopeful of a better time. My CRPS has unfortunately reached new and unexpected hights of pain. But I am plodding along. I have my spectacular wheelchair. I am awaiting an appointment with a plastic surgeon and then as soon as my right hand is fixed, I can commense training again. Until then it is my intention to do what I can. I have had to put the date back for my event to 2021. There was no choice in the matter. I had to wait 8 months for a suitable wheelchair, and by then a great deal of damage was done to my hand and shoulders. I am still awaiting an appointment with one of the Pain doctors, for some treatment for my CRPS. Sadly the window of opportunity where treatment has proven to be sometimes effective, lapsed a long time ago.
So where to now? Well, I am currently fundraising for a free wheel, which is an attachment for the front of my wheelchair that can mean I can go more places on my own safely. Exeter is extremely hilly, with lots of cobbles where I live, and not very good pavement access for disabled. I have recieved a very generous donation form a wonderful lady from Canada (I will not name names until given permission, but she knows who she is). Also, I am looking into Osseointegration as an option for the future. The time which I can wear a prosthetic is getting shorter, and I can now only wear my leg for a few minutes at a time, and not at all without considerable discomfort and using crutches or a stick. It is such an awesome leg. I do hope we can come up with a way to wear it for longer. At the moment I am trying mirror therapy, with sadly no positive resutls as yet. But I will persevere. If all else fails…..then Osseo. That is if we can raise the £80’000 for the surgery!! Or win the lottery i the mean time!
So into 2020. I remain hopeful. Hopeful of a better year than last. Hopeful that we can sort something to help with the pain. Hopeful for passing my driving test on the 10th of January. Hopeful that my hand will be fixed so I can commense training. Hopeful that our boy Boe will have a healthy and happy year. Hopeful that my little lily will be healthy and Boe will get along with her ok (he is doing amazingly so far). I have my exams in may, and so i am also hopeful that I pass them and get good grades. I am having to re-evaluate my future, when it comes to working. At the moment I cannot return to work as a Nurse. The main reasons being my needing to use my wheelchair most of the time, and the unpredictabiity of my CRPS flares. So I am looking into options. I am loving English.
I believe that everything; even the terrable things happen for a reason. It is sometimes hard to know what the reasons are, but they usually come to light. So there must be a reason for last year. So onwards and upwards into this year. We will venture into in with positivity and hope.
Happy New year to everybody. I hope that this year brings all of you good health and happiness. ❤