Indignity!!

So, right now I’m sat in the waiting room of the accident and emergency department in Exeter. I was bought in by ambulance earlier (will sat why in a minute!). Now I have been wheeled on a hospital wheelchair, one with no chance at self propulsion, into a waiting room, on my own, and I’m dying for the loo!!! I never wanted to feel the way I do now. Completely useless and cast aside. I have literally been dumped. I am totally stuck, unless I crawl across the floor. My wide is at work, and although will be here at some point, I’ve now been waiting for 2 hours! Whilst sat here a number of nurses and doctors have wondered passed. I tried to get the attention of one of them, to no avail. I feel so helpless! Why would someone just dump someone like this, when they know they are immobile?

So, earlier today, I was sat drawing, as usual, on the sofa, when suddenly I had chest pain, then jaw pain, and my heart rate escalated to 206. It felt as if my heart was trying to break through my chest. I felt nauseous, light headed and short of breath. It was absolutely terrifying. I have never before thought I was going to die. Now the nurse in me went straight to impending doom, and with the symptoms it was hard not too. My mouth was dry, my fingers numbing and I was cold sweating. I thought I was having a heart attack. Now, as I’m still here, it is evident that this I not the case. I think I had a panic attack. Very strange considering I was just sat on the sofa. Last time I checked, drawing was a relaxing activity, and although I had Buffy on in the background, it is not scary enough to trigger a panic attack. So another perplexing moment!

So, the paramedics arrived, and with chest pain and a heart rate of 206, they bought me into A&E. Turns out, it was the wrong day to have an episode of any kind, as it is so busy. So, I was taken into a room, they did my blood pressure, asked a bunch of questions to which no one listened to the answer. They were too busy sorting out a drunk lady in the corridor! Next thing I knew, I was dumped in the waiting room. No explanation, no dignity, no help.

Now, I’m still sat. Needing the loo. Nowhere near a toilet, and even if I could see one, no way of getting there! I asked the paramedics to bring my chair, but they said I didn’t need it, and to be honest, at that point I felt as if I was going to pass out, so didn’t think to question it!

I had the pleasantries of two children noticing my lack of leg, who proceeded to amuse themselves greatly with gears of disgust! Not that things like that bother me, because they don’t. They’re just curious, but when your feeling like a lesser human, the last thing you want, is any attention drawn to you. I just want to go home! My wife suggested on the phone, to self discharge. Good idea, but how? I can’t go anywhere. I’m totally stuck!!!

I never want to feel like this again! Not ever. I just want to go home, and have the dignity of being able to go to the toilet before it’s too late! Yet, I can’t, not until my wife can finally get here, if they let her in!

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