Its 3 days since the flop. Stumpey is extremely angry. Letting me know just how galacticly stupid I was to fall on her! (Yes stumpey is a her!). Ive seen a few ladies with ‘him’ stumpeys, but mine is definately not. I think its because shes happier when taken care of, clean shaven and pampered a little. So I have had alot of flare ups in the past 3 days. Ive had to up my morphine to its maximum and it doesnt do alot. I actually just found out that morphine doesnt help with a CRPS flare up anyway! Aparently one of the only things which helps is Ketamine, and Im not going down that road. I think that my fall has triggered the crappy pain syndrome into action! The anoying part about morphine when you are no longer used to a high dose, is that it makes you sleepy, forgetful, dopey and uncoordinated. Now, if you ask my wife, im these things all of the time anyway 🤭🤣, so any exacerbation is just plain silly! So for the past 3 days ive hardly done anything. I couldnt do my wheel on sunday as I was in too much pain. I did manage to go to the gym yesterday, but that was after sleeping half the day on the sofa. A bit like today. Oh yes, we have joined a new gym and its fantastic. Loads of kit, and a lift between the 2 floors. Experianced another new disabled part of life too. I never need an induction to a gym as im a very qualified instructor, but at this gym I had to have a disabled induction. Not to show me the kit, but to give me a seperate code for the disabled door, and show my the other disabled bits!! I thaught it was good, if not somewhat anoying. Cat could train from the minute we signed up, but I had to wait for this induction, and when the gym your currently using has no air conditioning during the hottest point in the year, you really dont want delays! But now we are in. We love it.

Things are looking up in other ways. The carpet is finally being put down in the hallway, which means no more bottom chafage for me! I also had a visit from the British Legion today to see if they can help me with my wheelchair. I am keeping everything crossed. The one im using at the moment is jusr rediculous. Its again, not set for active people that want to self propell. Ive currently got 2 sprained hands, 2 sprained wrists and 1 sprained shoulder. I hope this means that Im getting the injuries out of the way early. It will be like all my Birthdays and Christmasses rolled into one when I finally get that chair. Im finding it a little difficult to comprehend at the moment, that I may have to give up on my dream of walking, and running again. But, im not going to stop trying. Where theres a will, theres a way!

Yesterday was another new experiance for me, in my new world of being a below knee amputee. Not the greatest of experiances I have to say, but a definate learning curve! We had just come home from the gym after a very heavy, strength building back weights session. We had gotten changed and were on out way to do some shopping. Cat had gone to get the car as we left my chair in the boot because we were only going to be home for a short while. So all I had to do was make it the very short distance from my front door, through the hall, bum shuffle down the stairs, and then along the corrodoor downstairs to the car. A journey ive done loads of times. Everytime we go anywhere. I dont do this journey alone though. I cannot go out on my own because I only have 1 wheelchair and I cannot get that down stairs by myself. So my independance is completely in the hands of my wife, and the people that dont seem to think its important to be independant! (But thats another story!)

So I went out the door, realised id forgotten my wheeling gloves, so went back in the door, got them, and on the way back out it happened. The bottom of my left crutch just clipped the lip on the door. This was enough for me to loose balance, and before I knew it I went to put my foot down. But if course I dont have one, so instead it was stumpey that plumeted full pelt with 9 and a half stone me on the end of it, into the concrete floor! Im not normally lost for words, but I literally could not speak, or breathe for that matter. The pain was unbearable. Worse than any pain I have ever experianced. I eventually just lay on the floor kind of screaming and whimpering. I had to get back into my appartment. So I went in on my bottom. Leaving my crutches in the hallway. Cat was outside in the car. I had no way of getting to her. I ended up shuffling to the balcony door, opening it and just shouted for help. Whimpering away to muself in absolute agony. I was so terrified of taking off my shrinker and seeing what damage was done. Ive seen so many pictures of peoples wounds that have ripped open from falling, and I fell on concrete. We are supposed to have carpet back in the hall by now! Cat came running in. I managed to get myself on the sofa. She pulled off my shrinker and I was so happy to see that there was no blood. Stumpey was in tact. Thank goodness. Then, my lovely wife, trying to be helpful, did what I used to ask her to do when I had bad phantoms, grab hold of stumpey and rub, lots… So in her head, this helped when I was in pain before. It diddnt help this time! Agony all over again. Bless her. I could see that she diddnt know how to help. I couldnt stop crying and whimpering in pain. She went and got an ice pack, which still now im not sure if it helped or hindered. But in my head, it was doing something. I’d had all of my morphine. I have been used to 5mg every 4 hours lately, but on this occasion I opted for the full whack of 20mg. It diddnt do alot. I knew at this point that its probably best to get it looked at. I put a post on Amputees uk to see if others had done this, and what they did after. Well, practically everyone had done the same thing. This was really reassuring to know that im not the only person who totaly ignored all the medical professionals who said ‘dont use crutches, they are dangerous, and you will fall’! My lovely friend Liz advised me to go for an xray. So thats what we did. I shuffled all the way along the halls to get to the car. I wasnt going to use my crutches again. Evil things!

So off to A & E we went. It was absolutely packed. So I was completely shocked that it only took about an hour and a half for my whole experiance. I had an xray, and no breaks that they could see. Thank goodness. Im so happy about that. That would have been a nightmare. I dont want any set backs. The xray was interesting though. They were all so impressed with how amazing stumpey looks considering im only about 12 weeks post op. Have to credit Mr Cowan for that.

Well needless to say our shopping trip was off, as was the beach that we had planned to go to after. I really felt sorry for Cat. She was really looking forward to going to the beach, and again because of me, it was off. She was her usual graceful self, and told me not to worry about it, and that it wasnt my fault. But sometimes you cant help but to feel guilty. Especially as we had a conversation the night before about adjusting our 10 year holiday plan, because there are lots of places that I wont be able to go to now, if the CRPS is back, and I cant wear a leg all of the time! Im not one to ever be defeated by anything, as you may have gathered, but I think Everest basecamp in a wheelchair may be slightly difficult and out of my capabilities!

So this was my day. Laying on the sofa, popping pain meds, and with Cat trying her best to help with the pain. I think at this stage a mallet over the head would be best for her (to lop me with!). She could get some peace then instead of making me cups of tea (lol).

The moral of this day has been. Listen to your physio, Doctor, and every other amputee that has done this, and experianced the gut wrenching, agonising, vomit inducing pain, from falling on your stump, and DONT USE CRUTCHES!!!

Those of you who have been following my progress will know that I had my amputation in April 2019 for CRPS in my left foot. Since the surgery I have struggled with phantom pain, and overcome that. But also Ive had alot of stump pain. Yet to recieve an official diagnosis, but this pain does mimic what I felt with my CRPS. So personally, I think that this may be back in my stump. I am struggling to wear my awesome new leg for more than a few minutes at a time, and then it will be left hurting for hours. On the plus side, even if this is the outcome, im still glad I had the amputation. Why? I hear you ask? Well, its simple. I was in limbo land before. With an agonising foot. Not wanting to use a wheelchair. Disabled, but not. People dont understand what they cant see. So when you tell them your in alot of pain, unless your sobbing uncontrolably or screaming or gurning like a cabbage patch doll, then they dont think your pain is ‘that bad’. Infact I even had a friend tell me that one thing. That my pain couldnt be that bad because im never crying, or flailing about like a horizontal Michael Flatley. Well, I dont like to make a show, and if Im bad, I dont go out. I dont like fuss, or sympathy. I just want to get on in life with as little resistance and hastle as possable.

So here we are. Strong CRPS possibility. Lots of people have asked me what CRPS is, so I thaught id explain it in the best way I can.

CRPS (Chronic Regional Pain Syndrome is a poorly understood condition where a person experiances persistant, severe and debilitating pain. ‘Most cases of CRPS are triggered by an injury’ (NHS). However the bodys reaction to the injury is much stronger than usual and may affect more of the limb than the original injury did. The pain usually only affects one limb, but it can sometimes spread to other parts of the body.

Doctors sometimes make a distinction between 2 types of CRPS.

TYPE 1: Follows an injury such as fracture or sprain or surgery but with no nerve damage.

TYPE 2: Follows damage to a nerve in the limb.

I have type 1! Anyone can be afdectes by CRPS (although it seems to be more prevelant in women). It most commonly affects the hand & wrist, foot& ankle, or knee. Although sometimes the whole limb can be affected.

CAUSES? No one knows exactly what causes it, bit a fracture or other injury sometimes seems to act as a trigger. It’s thaught that the nerves of the affected limb are much more sensative than normal, and that pain pathways between the affectes limb and the brain may change so that pain continues long after the origional injury has healed. The pain and other symptoms also affect a wider area other than original injury. CRPS can occur after other problems such as a stroke or operations to a limb. In about 1 i 10 sufferers it develops without any obvious trigger factor.

So there you have it. In a nutshell, Its awful and no one know why you have it! Maybe we did something wrong in a previous life? I have to say that all other pain does seem tiny in comparison. I hope that as its early on this time, I may be able to get some help. Time will tell.

As my journey into the life of an amputee is progressing. Im finding that there are alot of challenges, but also alot of things that you can do as well. I went to Exeter Arena for a trial on the sport wheelchairs. It was absolutely incredable. Actually alot harder than the pros make it look. But amazing. I had a one to one coach for the hour from southwest athletics academy, who taught me how to wheel, and turn. The gloves were the funniest. You need help to get into them. Theres a hole for your thumb and 2 for 2 fingers, and another 2 for the other 2. Then your fingers get taped shut into a sort of fist, and you punch the wheel to make it move! Its really tricky to get the right movement. But a couple of times it went really well and I felt like I was flying. It was amazing. Id love to do more of this. Especially when my challenge is completed. Maybe look at sprinting? If any of you get the chance to give it a go, I would thoroughly recommend it. Just so much fun.

By the time id gotten to my training session on Sunday, my body was rather exhausted. So far this week its been to the gym 4 times, wheeled around the track and wheeled in the heavy brick for 5 miles! So sunday was a hoot!! Very slow. Very tiring. But still good. Everything hurt. Which I see as a kind of test. If I can keep going through the pain now, then It will prepare me for the pain during the event. Get used to it now, so it will be better then.

Alot has happened in the past few days. Where do I start? Well, I was back at the mobility centre and my awesome prosthetist managed to get me an amazing leg. Its almost a blade, its so good. Aparently im the 1st person i the southwest th have a blade like this one. I walked up and down the bars with it on. It felt amazing. Amazing, apart from the pain. Which just increased and increased, until I couldnt bear anymore. Ok this is getting a little worrying now! I tried not to think too much of it. But if your anything like me, trying not to think aboit something, meana you think about it constantly, and your brain just has a battle with itself! So, thinking about it all of the time….and trying to convince myself of anything that it could be, other than what it may be! But even with all this going on, I was still so happy to try my leg. It was only a few days later that I was back at the mobility centre and I tried it again. The same situation occured. Lots of pain! But I decided to struggle on through. I walked with my crutches. Went up stairs, and down, and up and down a slope. I had to stop a few times, but I diddnt care. Because my physio said that if all went well, I could take my leg home after this session. So this session was going to go well. No matter the pain.

I got to take it home. Then came to giving it a name. It cant be called ‘it’ forever. So we went round in circles with my favourite names, but none of them fit. Then came Florance. I was thinking of Florance Griffith Joyner (Flo-Jo) the amazing world record holder for 100m and 200m sprint. My lovely wife said strate away, ‘oh, like Florance and the machine. Shes Florance the machine’. I actually really like that reference. So my leg is now Florance.

So she is now home. I have managed a couple of minutes per day. But then im so sore I have to take her off. Its so annoying. I keep hoping that one day I will put her on and it wont hurt this time. Fingers and toes crossed for this one! But in the mean time, im shuffling along in my wheelchair. Still despirately trying to get funding for my, what I call, proper chair. I have been in contact with the British Legion, and hopefully they may be able to help a bit.

This is what ‘stumpey’ is fast becoming. We’ve gone from being swolen and chunkey, to thin and baggy, hense the name! But now we have made some progress in the world of walking. I have had 2 sessions with the pam aid, which is basically a long blow up leg which goes over your stump with a metal frame, so that you can kind of walk. These all went really well. Then I was casted for my leg. Basically a plaster cast of my stump. This was a really funny morning. Catherine, my prosthetist, and her student both did a casting, and both times stumpey diddnt want to let it go! So the plaster got stuck. We all tried to pull it off, but no luck, so it had to be cut off! But it wasnt the end of the world. Even though it had a big cut in it, the cast could still be used for my new leg. Then before I knew it, my leg was here and I got to try it on. My foot hadnt arrived at this point, so I was using a loan foot, but I got to have a go. First it felt really strange. I hadnt walked without crutches in such a long time. The socket itself felt quite tight and was actually really painful. Me being the stupid me that I am, diddnt say to Catherine quite how painful it was and just tried to go with it and grin and bear it. This is not the best thing to do. The prosthetist needs to know what is happening so that she can make adjustments. So on my second visit, I did say. But unfortunately by this time, I was in alot of pain in general.

IS IT CRPS??

So, Ive been in alot of pain for the past week. It started very randomly when I was sat in my wheelchair in my kitchen. All of a sudden stumpey started to hurt. A combination of feeling like someone was scraping out my bone marrow with a spoon, and horrific painful pins and needles. The concerning thing was that the pain was similar to my CRPS pain. The strength was right up there too. I just hope that I am wrong. Ive had similar pains in my other foot too over the past few weeks. So hopefully its just pains from use. But you know when you get a sixth sense about things. I get this, and Im not usually wrong. But I really hope that I am this time. When we walked using my new foot yesterday, I could tolerate my prosthetic for a few minutes before I had to take it off. The new foot is amazing. Its like a mini blade. Aparently im the 1st person in the southwest to get a foot like this. Its super springy, and almost feels like a real foot. I love it. I may be able to take it home at the end of the week, if all is well. In the mean time, its back to waiting to see doctors for me. Trying to find out what this pain is. Just keep everything crossed for me that its not the dreaded.