Truth about training with chronic pain conditions…

When I began this blog a few years ago, I wanted to tell my story of what my new life was like as a below knee amputee. It then began to converge into a blog about having crps again, and the changes that meant for my life. Along the way, I hoped to inspire and help others suffering with the same and similar conditions, that being disabled isn’t the end of the world. It doesn’t have to be. Yes we all get really bad days. I’m having one today. But the main focus of this was to be brutally honest about what my new life is like. Somewhere along the way I have listened to too many people who have directed me away from honesty, and told me to mute the bad bits, because people don’t want to hear about what it’s truly like to suffer these conditions, and the only people who do know, are the ones who are actually suffering them. But now I want to put a stop to this. I figure, if people want a sugar coated version, then they won’t read this. The truth is, these conditions suck big time. My life has be devastated in so many ways since my diagnosis, then amputation, then rediagnosis, and then getting fibromyalgia on top. I have lost my job as an NHS nurse. I have been bullied by people I called friends, I have lost friends. I have suffered years of discrimination and been called a pain med junkie by the people I used to work around. I have suffered so much indignity, that I can’t remember what dignity is. Yet through all of this, I have realised some important things. My wife, is the most incredible person I have ever met. She has stuck by my side through thick and thin. When pain is at its worst, she is there. When I’m almost screaming, and crying, and talking about ending it all, she makes me laugh and reminds me how much I have to live for.

I know I’m not alone in all of this. There are so many people out there like me. We don’t talk about how we battle every day just to make it through. We don’t say when we have to cancel appointments and dates with friends that every time it chips away at your very soul. We don’t say when we want someone to bash us over the head with a very large bat, just to make the pain go away for a moment! Because it never does. Not ever. Not for one second. I live in a constant 8/10 pain score. As do so many others with CRPS. Then there’s the fibromyalgia, which pops up when you least want it to to add to the pain. Along with it is debilitating lethargy, nausea, migranes and generally feeling like you have the flu. So, yep it all sux.

Yet again, through all of this I have found some amazing things, and people along the way. I have made some wonderful friends, some even part of this blog. I have 1 friend who has truly stuck by my side throughout all of this, and she is wonderful. But other than that I have found a love of writing, and am still working through the edit of my 1st novel. I have found a way to adapt the sports I love, and manage to do them in a different way.

Yesterday I wheeled my furthest yet, almost 12 miles, in an hour and a half using my normal everyday wheelchair. Well on the way yo my first half marathon (yippee!!). Ahead of schedule. The bit you don’t see is today, laying on the sofa, unable to move. In agony, with a sick bowel by my side. I’ve been like this all day. Only now is the first time I could sit up. I’ve had cold packs on my head, heat packs on my neck, legs and stump. I’ve been sobbing, and feeling sorry for myself, and feeling so guilty because I had to miss my swimming session. But that is the nature of these illnesses. You have to take the good with the bad. You have to learn to appreciate every good day, and hope to God that they fall on those days that you need them the most.

So, there you have it. I will be speaking out, and telling the truth. I don’t want to hide anymore and pretend that life is easy, because it isn’t, for anyone. Those without any medical problems suffer. Everyone does. We all have our struggles. In this digital age, it is cool to seem happy and perfect all of the time, but no one is. We all have problems, and life is hard. So speak out. Don’t be afraid to tell people that things aren’t always perfect. Own it. We are all human after all. And let’s face it, perfect is kinda boring!! 👌

Progress…

So, in the past couple of weeks I have been making some good progress in training. I have also added another 2 events to the calendar. The Cardiff summer half marathon on the 3rd of July and The Rehabilitation Triathlon for amputee veterans in Plymouth on 23rd June. Both great events, and right in between the others. This brings the official total to 7 events, although there will be a number of virtual ones as well. On theat subject, I managed to complete the niagra falls conquer challenge yesterday, 113km in 29 days. I was very happy with this, as I’ve had to have almost 2 weeks off from training with various flares.

So, I have had some questions about the gloves which I wear for wheeling. I purchase work gloves from ebay, which retail from £2-7 per pair depending on the thickness. The orange ones in the photo below are warm lined and waterproof, which is brilliant for the winter. The red ones come in various types, and you can bulk buy. They are great for warmer weather, and when it is very warm, I lop off the fingers and hey presto, perfect summer wheeling gloves which virtually eliminate blisters. They are all gripped with a form of latex which is perfect for wheeling.

As for post workout nutrition, I use a sports drink to replace lost electrolytes. Very important if you want to avoid cramp, or other more potential serious health problems caused by an imbalance of electrolytes. I use High 5 as it is gluten and sugar free. Food wise, I’m a bit of a sucker for midget gems, so normally have 50g of them, and some form of protein and carbs, such as a protein bar.

As mentioned, I have now finished my 4th challenge with #theconquerchallenges. They are great fun to do, and really keep that motivation up. I have also now included handcycling, swimming and weights at the gym to my weekly program. I do have a day off a week, and sometimes more when my body dictates it so. Probably the most annoying part of CRPS (next to the pain) is the how unpredictable it is. Also Fibromyalgia follows the same trend = completely unpredictable. Although I have found a couple of triggers, which are so important to identify. I have discovered that cigarette smoke, and pungent hair spray, as well as post menstrual hormone changes are a big trigger for me. These three put me out of training for a week at a time. With CRPS, my biggest trigger is sugar and stress. Also anything touching my leg. So I have to almost wrap myself in cotton wool, and behave, just so I can train. I have had to give up alot of other pursuits to complete this year’s challenges, but it will be worth it, and I’m hoping Blesma will reap the benefits of my labour.

Yesterdays wheel (above), & medals so far 😊

It’s 6 weeks before my first event. My lovely wife will be doing the first 2 with me (running), which will be wonderful. It will be the first time we have both started on the same start line, and her first ever events. I am so happy to be able to share this with her. So, off to do some more training today. Wish me luck!

2022 here we come…

Yes we see 2 weeks in to 2022. So it’s a bit late to say ‘happy new year’, but I’ve said it anyway. For the past couple of weeks I have been suffering a bit. One of those things that people with crps and fibromyalgia can’t control! So it’s taken me a bit of time to writs my ode to 2021! At the moment, I’m laying on my sofa, still suffering a flare of fibromyalgia, so please bear with me if my writing is gobbledegook!

So, 2021… What can I say? It was a difficult one. It began for me on new years day heartbroken, as just a few hours before I lost my sister, Linda. I had not seen her in a very long time, and because of covid, didn’t get to say goodbye either, which was very tough. Then things looked up a bit with the booking of my TMR surgery. However, the actual surgery was very difficult, and I was in hospital for a month trying to get the pain under control. But eventually, and thanks to an amazing team at East Grinstead hospital, we did, and I got home. Then almost immediately came the access in my hamstring, and the diabolical treatment at the very hospital I had worked in for almost 20 years, the Royal Devon and Exeter Hospital. I was left in a bed for 17 hours in agony. Had my pain medication stolen from my bag, by a nurse when I was in the bathroom. I ended up discharging myself after receiving no treatment at all. A few days later a huge access was found in my leg and I was suffering with sepsis. It was only thanks to my amazing gp that I’m still here at all.

So I eventually recovered from that, and sadly had to retire as an NHS registered nurse. I qualified a few months before meeting my wife. So had been a nurse for 15 years. I loved the nursing side of things, especially my time in theatres. I am a very technically minded person, so found it absolutely fascinating. I met some lovely people, and got along with the Dr’s very well. On my exit interview, with a nurse and friend, she saw how upset I was and said ‘you will always be a nurse’. A phrase I will hold deer. 💔

I was also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia later on in the year, which was not a surprise. But it is rather annoying. It gets in the way of my life in a different to crps. I end up not being able to move for days on end…and for someone like me, who never stops doing stuff, it is a cruel and unusual punishment. Bit it is just another battle that must be fought.

The good bits… I have been out wheeling lots, and managed to complete the blesma 11k, and Mt Everest (virtually). I also wrote the first and second draft of my novel. I am still editing it to try to get it to where I want it to be, and soon will be sending it off to a professional to sort it out, so that I may stand a chance of someone taking it on!

So what’s next? This year I have lots of plans. Finishing my book, and good willing, getting it published is my biggest goal (fitness aside!). Also, I’m working on my usual entry for wildlife artist of the year. I’ve got a few more paintings in a gallery now, which is brilliant.

A few of my more recent drawings using pastel pencil.

Fitness wise! Well, there’s lots. My wife and I began on the 1st of January doing the blesma 90 sit ups a day challenge. Which we have done everyday, and will continue. I have also began my virtual wheel to Mt Fuji, of which I am half way through. I’ve also entered the following: The Exmouth triathlon on 15th May, The great West run half marathon on 22nd May, The Bridgewater half marathon on 04th September, The Goodwood marathon on 25th September, and am still hoping Blesma will let me join their team to do the London marathon on the 02nd of October. Also I am hoping to complete a few marathon distance virtual races along the way. All of which will be raising money for Blesma.

So, although January hasn’t got off to the best start, it could be worse. Plus, when you have crps and fibromyalgia, you learn to take everyday as it comes. It isn’t easy, and I’m still learning to be patient with myself. I get very frustrated when my body doesn’t behave in a way I want it too, but I will keep trying. I hope that I get to achieve all the go’s I’ve set myself this year, and will keep plugging away. I’m also hoping that the pain from the TMR surgery will lessen, so I can wear a leg for a few minutes more. I can only wear it a few minutes a day, when my leg is behaving at the moment. Which is great, but I could do better! I am very hopeful for 2022. I hope all my friends have a wonderful, healthy and happy new year.

Mount Everest, here we come…

Virtually of course! I wouldn’t get too excited! But, for a very long time, since I first discovered climbing when I was at secondary school, I’ve wanted to climb mount everest. Now, as you may guess, this is quite a feet (no pun intended) when you only have one! So unless I can wear a prosthetic long enough, this dream will remain so. Also, the wife! She will not let me go! She is terrified, that with our terrible luck in life, that I will never come back! I have to say that with our luck, it is a real concern. But we have agreed that if I ever can, then we will go back to Kathmandu one day, and do the Everest Basecamp treck. There I get to see her, the big one, up close. Just wonderful! So what does this all have to do with now? Well, I discovered the Challenge medals. Virtual distances where you can run, cycle, or in my case, wheel a certain distance, to get to a certain place. They have Mount Everest on their list. So that was it…straight away, I signed up. One week in and I’m 55% there. I set myself 3 weeks to compete the 64km, but should hopefully do it in 2.

So, why these? I needed some inspiration to keep getting out there. Anyone with CRPS and fibromyalgia will tell you, that the cold weather is not your friend. It sets off both conditions. So going outside, deliberately to wheel for an hour or more is quite mentally and physically taxing. So I needed some inspiration to get me out that door. I have found it. For some reason, as soon as I have a task to complete, my brain can’t cope if I don’t do it! So there we go… or off I go! It has been rather challenging. I haven’t had one dry day as yet. It hasn’t been terrential rain, but wet on the ground and sporadic rain. But the weather would be worse at Everest, so I keep going.

I would encourage anyone to set themselves goals such as these with crps or fibromyalgia. It has been clinically proven, that exercise helps with both conditions. I certainly feel better. I find it hard to go out, but when I’ve finished, I am alot happier (mentally). The physical side can be difficult. I’ve been having alot of flares of my crps lately, which is very draining, but I try to carry on.

I missed my wife’s Christmas party due to a crps flare!

With views like the one above, on a nice autumn day, it is so wonderful. So, hopefully by Friday, I will have completed my challenge, and then it’s decision time, as to which one I do next. Most people know that I’m hoping to wheel from lands end to John O’groates at some point. Hopefully 2023, if all goes well. I will be doing this for blesma. But I could always do the distance in training as well? Huum???

What’s been happening….

Hi there. Well, what a month or so? And where to begin? My road to recovery has not been smooth. I have been suffering with daily flares of pain. Its a battle that my leg fights with itself. The nerve pain sets off the crps, and vice versa. I try not to let the pain get in the way of my everyday life, but it has had to. This isn’t to say that I haven’t been able to do some things… I take advantage of every good moment… So, the good bits. Firstly I’ve finally finished my novel. It’s a victorian thriller/romance. I have been working on this for 2 years. It is currently with some lovely friends who are reading it for me to see if there’s anything I need changing. Then the all important task of hoping an agent will like it and take me on? I have started the second one. It is part of a trilogy.

The copies ready to go out to readers. Fortunately for me, most people wanted digital versions! 🙂

I have also been busy training, as much as I can for the Blesma 11k, which is on the 14th of November. It is a virtual 11k. Next year I’ve just signed up to 2 half marathons, and a triathlon. I’m hoping also to be part of the London marathon 🙏. I will find out after Christmas weather I’m part of the blesma team. Training has been hard. I am having to squeeze it in whenever I’m able. Which isn’t as often as I’d like. But anything is better than nothing!

Next, I am happy to say that one of my biggest insecurities will hopefully be a thing of the past…In 8 months anyway! I have signed up to invisalign, which is basically like fancy braces. I have to wear a clear shield over my teeth so that they can be straitened over time. They aren’t that comfy and I’m sure I’m speaking differently (although my wife kindly says I’m not!). I have to keep them in for 23 hours a day. Only removing them to eat. It’s great if your a snacker like me, because you have to clean your teeth and the covers every time you eat anything, so snacking is no more! So there’s lots of positives, the main one will be having confidence to smile. Apparently I also have a big over items, which I never knew about. This will also be corrected. I have included a photo of them, and in said photo it shows my teeth (those of a nervous disposition, please skip the next photo). I promised at the start of this that I’d be brutally honest! So here we go…

Next, I have had a bit of another health issue. My Doctor and I both think I may have Fibromyalgia as well as the crps. Why do we think this? Well, I have most of the symptoms of Fibromyalgia, but then alot of these double with the crps. So I’m undergoing investigations into weather I do or don’t have it. I’m hoping to be proven wrong 🙏 . But if it is proved, then there’s not much I can do about it, just try to keep plodding along, and not let another thing get in the way of life (as much as I can, anyway!)

I have to mention my amazing wife, who did a 15000 ft skydive last weekend. I foolishly bought it for her for her birthday. Then spent the month in between then and the jump, terrified that something would go wrong, and I may loose her. She is my heart and soul. We have been happily married for 13 years, and together for 15. She is my world, my very best friend. Life without her would be unbearable. So having your world fling herself out of an aeroplane was terrifying. But she was desperate to do one. She did a jump when she was a teenager and loved it, and asked me for years to do another. I finally gave in. I’m happy to report that all went well. I think I nearly had a heart attack 😳, but she was a trooper. Smiled all the way through, and now of course, wants to do another one!

Lastly, I have now got a leg again! Yes you read right, I have a leg! The brilliant prosthetist at Bristol mobility centre has made me a leg that I can wear. I can only put her on for a few minutes at a time, but that’s better than nothing. I can’t wear her on bad days, which are more often than not at the moment, but I’m assured by my surgeon that this may get better. So when I can I pop my ‘flo’ on. My leg is named after ‘flo jo’ the sprinter. I still have a hope that one day I may be able to walk, and even run. I will always keep trying. Never give up despite the odds. So here is my leg.

So, that’s it for now. My 11k will be on Sunday. Can’t wait! Lots more fun to come.

The sofa blues…

Oh how I miss wheeling, and handcycling… yes, as you may have guessed, I’m still not up to par. I’m currently awaiting more blood results which will hopefully tell me why I feel so awful! I’m extremely lethargic, to the point of wanting to sleep all the time. Nausea and lack of appetite kind of go hand in hand, and just feeling generally weak and feeble! So, what do you do when you can’t do what you want? Well if your anything like me, you get frustrated and annoyed with your body. It won’t buck up and get better in the timescale you want. The swimming pool is calling, and my body isn’t listening! I’d like to say that I’m a good patient, but I don’t think that I am. I want to feel better now…and don’t like having to wait for my body to behave! But that is what I have to do. So I’m sat watching the paralympics, wishing to be that good! (Maybe one day!). But it won’t happen from a static position on my sofa!! So for now, when I can I’m writing, and doing a bit of drawing, but finding myself falling asleep doing that! It was my 13th wedding anniversary on the 22nd. I managed to be out with my lovely wife for a couple of hours, but then had to go home. I could eat a tiny bit of my meal, but had to leave most of it. I felt like such a party pooper! But when things are like this, it reminds you to give it your all when you do feel well, and to embrace every moment.

So for now, it’s back to convalescing on the sofa, and hoping to feel better soon. Then watch out David Lloyd, for a will be in the pool as much as I can be. My mum would have said, ‘these things are sent to try us!’ And I completely agree. But still wish they wouldn’t!!

20 days and counting …

As you may have gathered, I’m still in hospital! I mistakenly thought I’d be in and out within 5 days. I was pre-warned that it could take a couple of weeks, or possibly longer, but I thought, I’m tough, I’ve been through lots already, I have a very high tolerance to pain… None of those things make any difference to any hospital stay. It is impossible to predict how you will recover, or how long it will take. I can say, that previous to this experience, I was certain that I had reached the very hight of my pain level. That pain couldn’t possibly be worse that CRPS flares with neuromas… I was wrong. CRPS flares, with surgery is far worse. I was warned, so it wasn’t lime I went into this not knowing that things would be tough. But usual me… I shrugged it off, and thought to myself ‘oh well, what’s a little more pain?’ Well, I can tell you… a lot!!! I’m feeling battered, bruised, sore, sick, tired, and missing my babies. All that said, however, things are steadily improving, and the care and treatment I have received here at the QVH hospital in East Grinstead has been just incredible. All of the staff are just to kind, and caring. They have been there for me through night and day. I know you must be thinking, well thats what is supposed to happen in hospital, well let me say… it doesn’t always happen. After being a Nirse myself for 14 years, I’ve seen a substantial lack in compassion within the field. Yet here, they all have oodles of it. They are warm, and friendly. They make me cups of tea in the night when I’m awake in pain. My surgeon Tania Cubison, the genius, always comes by every morning to check on me. The pain nurses have been in every day, trying everything they can to see me through the tough times. The anaesthetists have been to see me every morning and evening to administer boluses into the nerve catheter in my leg. I am honestly, truly amazed.

So, we have lowered my intravenous pain medications now, and are lowering the local anaesthetic meds going into the nerve catheter in my leg. The pain is rather bad a couple of times a day, which is when the anaesthetists step in. But we’re making improvements in that respect as well. The plan is that the nerve catheter needs to come out by the weekend, as its been in too long by that stage, and could increase risk of infection, which I definitely do not need. So watch this space. Hopefully I will be home by early next week, if not sooner 🤞

TMR progress…

I’ve now been in hospital 9 days. 8 days post op. Had my TMR (Targeted Muscle Reinnervation) surgery on Thursday last week. Had a bit of a rocky ride since then. My pain levels sky rocketed and not much seemed to bring it down, other than visits from an anaesthetist to put a bolus (big volume) of local anaesthetic into the catheter (tube) which was placed during surgery to administer constant local anaesthetic into my leg. We now think that the catheter was rubbing directly on a nerve, so causing more pain. So yesterday, the Dr’s had a pow-wow and decided to take the catheter out. The hope being that the pain would get better. It did with movement, but not anything else, intact it sky rocketed further. I spent the day screaming in pain. Never felt anything so bad. My CRPS was flaring, and my leg was killing, so it was back to theatre to have a new nerve catheter placed.

Now, the next morning, there is a significant improvement. My pain is back to its normal level. Which is amazing. Along with the pain before, the Dr’s tried a few new medicines. Wish we hadn’t, as they all seemed to cause the same reaction… Sudden Tachycardia (high heart rate over 100 bpm) and light headedness. One of them dropped my BP as well, and another caused extreme shaking all over my body. This happened 6 times in total. Rather scary. So now, today, I will be happy just to have a day with less pain, and no complications.

So now I’m still in East Grinstead hospital. I have to say, the staff are all absolutely amazing. Completely different to any other hospital stay I’ve had. They actually believe you when you say that your in pain. They don’t try to kick you out just because they are convinced you should be going home now! Unlike another hospital. Who decided that after a week, I shouldn’t be in as much pain as I was, and started to get quite impatient with me for being in pain!

Here is what hospital treatment should be like. Where nurses actually care, and no one makes you feel like your a burden. I’d actually consider moving here, just for better treatment! So, fingers and toes crossed for the next few days, and with no more blips, hopefully I will start to recover nicely.

Oh Happy Day 😁

As many blog writers will tell you, through this therapy of sorts, you often receive contact from readers, and some even turn into friendships. I started conversing with my lovely friend Maggie quite some time ago when asking questions on amputee sites. Before my amputation, and when I first discovered I had CRPS, I found the lack of information out there quite astonishing, which is why I decided to write this blog in the first place. I didn’t think for a second that I would end up here, practically begging for treatment, and then finally finding that one Doctor who will help me, because of the amputee sites, and then this blog. Yes, with thanks to Maggie, huge thanks, who kindly put me in contact with her doctor, I am finally on the road to having a diagnosis, and I couldn’t be happier, or more thankful to wonderful Maggie.

I hope she won’t mind me talking of her, but she is one of the kindest people I have ever had the privilege of conversing with. She always checks up on me, and reads my posts, and her kindness has now put me on the road to treatment. For that, I am so greatfull and can’t thank her enough. I know she will read this, so to you Maggie, I thank you so so much.

So, last Wednesday I had a consultantation with a Doctor who is a specialist in stump issues. I was put in contact with her secretary, who booked the appointment. It was via zoom. I was extremely anxious, as I am so used to Doctors dismissing me and lumping everything under the CRPS brush. But to my amazement, she did not. She listened to my symptoms, and guided me through a self examination of my stump. The whole process took over an hour, which is the longest time I’ve spoken to anyone since the surgery. At the end she spoke of a couple of things which could be causing the problem, and what we can do about it. So, when I had surgery, the nerves are cut. When this happens they have nowhere to go and nothing to do, so they go a little nuts! Sometimes said nerves can also be fighting against a suture or clip put on the end of them! So she thinks that my popleteal nerve is either doing this or trapped. So the plan now is to do an ultrasound and some other tests to see if this is the case. This was the first thing which amazed me. I’ve been booked twice now for an MRI. Being told by the non specialists that this is the only way to find a neuroma. What if it isn’t a neuroma, I would ask? Well then we can’t help, they said! If I questioned it, I would be shut down and made to feel as if I had done something wrong. So to find a Doctor who is willing to explain, and say that an MRI is not only the best way, but not the only way to find issues, was just wonderful. It’s as if realising that your not mad!! So, now the plan is to await my appointment, and take the trip to East Grinstead for tests. If it shows what we suspect, then book for TMR surgery. I will explain what that is in future posts, if it is on the cards, but basically it will give my nerves a job to do, and stop them complaining so damn much!!

I honestly can’t even explain how happy I was after this consultation. Someone not only listed to me, but also may be able to help. It meant that some of those dreams which I had lost, may be achievable again. I may be able to walk again! (At least a small portion of the time, I will still have the crps! There is no cure for that bit!). But to have a chance of a reduction in the pain I’m in…and that is everything.

I celebrated with one of my first little wheels in ages!!

CRPS strikes again!

So, today was an interesting day. The end of an era as a registered nurse. Today my medical retirement, and thus termination on medical grounds, was done. (Incase those of you are wondering, I’m no where near the proper age of retirement). It was sadder than I had originally thought it would be. It felt so final. So definite. The lead nurse, hr lady, and nurse which I know and have worked with, were all lovely. Before I went she said ‘you will always be a nurse’, which of course opened the flood gates, igniting a sniveling wreck!

I graduated from university 14 years ago, and started working as a nurse in operating theatres. I loved every second of it. I was that annoying person who would be there early, leave late and even go in when I wasn’t meant to be. I did extra work for the plastics department as a student, becoming one of the first student nurses to complete an audit for the surgeons. I went on to work in the private sector and did agency work in theatres all over the country. A year or so after I was married, I no longer wanted to work away and so took a job in the endoscopy department, where I have worked for the past almost 9 years.

I had hoped that following the amputation of my leg would mean I would return to work and then to theatres, it was of course one of the considerations for having the surgery in the first place, but CRPS had other ideas. This condition seems to be a rather selfish one. It keeps on taking and taking, and never gives! I don’t like things to get me down, but today was difficult. The end of working in a place on and off for 20 years. A place where I did all of my training, and met some wonderful people. I will mainly miss the patient’s and amazing doctors who I’ve worked with over the years.

So where now? Well, I always like to think that no matter how convoluted, everything happens for a reason, and I hope that this new chapter will bring great things. I am yet to receive treatment, but have finally been given an appointment for Friday! Yippee!! So I hope that we may soon have a plan, and some assistance. So onward and hopefully upwards…

I have to say, that I am very much, like lots of you; looking forward to 2021. With hopes of treatment, ease of pain and a new beginning. Life has inevitable set backs, and trials and tribulations which are there is test and overcome, hopefully with lessons learnt. As the saying goes ‘when life brings you lemons, make lemonade’, well im not sure about that one entirely, I rather like the idea of ‘when life brings you lemons, give em back as ask for a lime’!